Thoughts of Scorned Lovers
by Chelbell
Summary: inks of Spike and some slight Dawn and Giles. Just read I suck at summaries!
1. In your eyes

Author: Chelbell  
  
Spoilers: The end of S6 and possible spoilers for S7  
  
Summary: Willow visits Tara's grave.  
  
Rating: PG-13- let me know if I should change the rating.  
  
Genre: Angst/Drama  
  
  
  
1 In Your Eyes.  
  
  
  
" I think about you everyday, you know? And I miss you. Everything was horrible and it pains me to know that mostly I was the cause of it. Sometimes I think that I may have been the reason that you are up there instead of down here, looking at me, making me feel wonderful. Maybe if I had listened to you, about the magic, we would have had more time.  
  
I miss you.  
  
I know you deserve to be in heaven, and I know this is selfish, but I want you hear with me; Loving me. I don't deserve it though. Maybe I never did. You were too beautiful, too perfect for me. But no matter.  
  
You still made me feel wonderful.  
  
Your face. Your eyes. God, those eyes. I could stare into those eyes forever. I can imagine you as an angel. You always were an angel to me. Everyone loved you. I loved you. I still do. I always will.  
  
Forever.  
  
I'm sorry, Tara. I believe I failed you…. Again. I most likely ruined my chance of seeing you in that great place in the sky above where you may be looking down on me at this moment. Sometimes when I come here, every morning, I get this awful image in my head that you are looking down on me; Spitting on me; Hating me. I told Buffy this and she said that you never ever would do that. I know you wouldn't. You were too kind.  
  
I miss you… 


	2. ~*~Trying~*~

Author: Chelbell  
  
Spoilers: The end of S6 and possible spoilers for S7  
  
Summary: Xander Watches Anya from afar.  
  
Rating: PG-13- let me know if I should change the rating.  
  
Genre: Angst/Drama  
  
  
  
1.1 Trying  
  
"I watch you. I know it's wrong but, I can't help it. I love you. I try to move on but it's hard. So hard.  
  
It's my fault.  
  
I think of you. I want to think good things but for some reason, I keep coming up with the images of you and * him * on the table. The one that you're sitting at right now, reading that book.  
  
I try so hard.  
  
Maybe one day we'll reconcile. Or maybe you'll move on. You and I both know that you'll move on and walk down the street hand and hand with your new fiancé and trample over my heart.  
  
I hope not. I hurts.  
  
Maybe I'll move on first. I don't want it to be a competition though. Maybe I fall head over heels in love with a girl. Named Danielle, 5'8, hair like the forgotten slayer/nutcase, Faith. She'd be beautiful. But… I don't know if I would ever be happy without you.  
  
I'm sorry…  
  
  
  
TBC… 


	3. And that's the way it is

Author: Chelbell  
  
Spoilers: The end of S6 and possible spoilers for S7  
  
Summary: Xander Watches Anya from afar.  
  
Rating: PG-13- let me know if I should change the rating.  
  
Genre: Angst/Drama  
  
1.1 I should have known  
  
  
  
"You left me. Just like all the others. Maybe it's because I'm selfish. Ya that's it. I was beginning to… love you. It was getting to me. And I hate myself for this but I can't be mad at you for what you did… what you tried to do.  
  
I can't.  
  
I wish I could start over again with you. With us. I miss you, Spike. I much as I hate to admit that to myself… I do. Everyone knows. They all found out. All of them. And they didn't look at me with hate. Hell, Giles laughed so hard his sides hurt. But he knows that you would never hurt me on purpose. Yet, you left.  
  
It's my fault, all of it.  
  
So now I sit at the counter reading some trash maginzine but it's hard to read with tears blurring my vision. With thoughts of you and me squirming in my head. I can't make them stop.  
  
I don't really want them to stop.  
  
The visions are of the future I dream of. That I dream you dream of. Of you being human, of us being together having a family.  
  
It's stupid. I go from hating you and beating you to a pulp to dreaming up a white picket fence future for the two of us.  
  
You would laugh at me.  
  
I laugh at myself out of hatered and self- disgust.  
  
For letting you go…  
  
For losing you…  
  
TBC….  
  
  
  
A/N: That's 3 in one day! In one hour! I'm on a sugar high! 


	4. The road taken...

Author: Chelbell  
  
Spoilers: The end of S6 and possible spoilers for S7  
  
Summary: Spike thinks of Buffy on his way home.  
  
Rating: PG-13- let me know if I should change the rating.  
  
Genre: Angst/Drama  
  
  
  
The road taken… once again.  
  
  
  
"It scares me. It bloody well does. I haven't been alive for over 120 bloody years. I wasn't going to start again now. It wasn't supposed to end up like this. I knew. I knew that she deserved the best of anything. Everything. But me? I still doubt that she deserves me of all the pulse having gits out there.  
  
I mean what am I going to say when I get there. To her. To Dawn. To all the other scobbies. " Hi guys! I'm alive now! I know I almost raped Buffy but I would like some respect around here." They'd kill me within a bloody instant.  
  
Dawn. Oh bloody hell. Dawn must hate me. Can you blame her? I can't."  
  
AirPort: "Flight 547 is now landing in Sunnydale, California."  
  
That's me. God, I can't breath. What if Buffy spits in my face; Kills me without having a second thought? I walk out of the airport and into a rental car. What am I going to do when I get there? Will everything be the same?  
  
I drive down the road I know so well. The road where I've got my heart broken and the hearts of others broken also. I park in the lot across from the house, 1660 Revello Drive. I walked down the side walk and my whole body seems to shake and my breathing becomes unsteady. I knock on the door once. Twice. I pause to hear footsteps inside the house. Then the door opens. A small gasp then tow lil' arms wrapped around me."  
  
"Hi, Nibblet."  
  
Then another voice. "Dawn? Who is it?"  
  
I stop breathing just to hear her voice clearer.  
  
It's going to be a long day.  
  
  
  
TBC…?  
  
A/N: I came up with a plot driven sequel to this, and I will write it and post it if I get enough feedback. The sequel will be about Spike telling the Scoobies, Spike leaving unknown gifts for Buffy, and Buffy and Spike finally living out one of Buffy's Dreams! It could just be that story and then a sequel to the one I talking about right now and then a squel to the series can be Buffy being pregnant!! You knows? Plz REVIEW! 


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